My dear platonic guys

I'm writing this in response to an awesome girl's lingering question on whether platonism does exist. She used to believe that a man can befriend a woman and keep the relationship free from amorous thoughts. She felt betrayed (it's a bit exaggerating, I know) when her best male buddy expressed his more-than-friends-interest for her. She literally begged me to convince her on the very being of platonic relationship.

I have a news for you, Girl. A good one, actually. That there is this beautiful thing called "platonic relationship". So here my story goes.

Case 1: Good ol' Bonny.

I had never been so close to Bonny, a guy with whom I shared the love for music and choral works, until I was in my third year in uni. He broke up with his girlfriend (a cute young lady who was actually a good friend of mine), and somehow we ended up doing things together. I guess it was because both of us in quite a sudden had more time for ourselves. He didn't have a girl to hang out with, and my then boyfriend just got a job which demanded his full concentration AND our time. Having a house at such a strategic location in town, my place usually became the meeting point for my friends. In addition, there was no parental surveillance as my folks lived in Semarang at that time. Bonny had been a regular visitor, along with several other people (including his ex, of course), so it was not that unusual when his visits became more frequent.

Spending more time with him, he grew to be my confidante. Especially when it came to the boring boyfriend-girlfriend thingy, hehehehe... It was my very first relationship, I was extremely insecure and jealous and a bit obsessed with my boyfriend, so I turned to him with questions like:

"Why did he do that to me?"
" Is he mad at me?"
" Is he cheating on me?"
"Will he think I'm lousy?" (Yes, I even told him about my first kiss... whoa!)

And millions other silly questions.

Now, whenever my thought drifts to Bonny, I could only smile and feel warm for his amazing patience. I did cry on his shoulder, dragged him to food courts/bookstores, and he drove me to my lecturer's house in Sidoarjo for my "skripsi" assistance, every time. He accompanied me when I was rushing in campus, from one office to the other, as I was near deadline. He helped me with house chores, sometimes. He was part of my family already, and my mom loved him.

And yet, we were never more than friends. And I know that none of us had even thought about it. We liked going out together but the most intimate touch we could bear was the big hug. I was head over heels in love with my boyfriend, and he was attracted to another girl, Irene.

We grew distanced when I finished my study and moved to Jakarta. He started to date Irene. Later he told me that Irene was jealous at me. I was stunned in disbelief. I understood, though. I was busy with my work and new life in Jakarta, and we rarely contacted each other before we lost it at all. I found out from another friend that he eventually married Irene.

Case 2: Bona

Bona was my classmate at the uni, but we had not been close until we both joined the foreign service. Never would I imagine that I would meet someone from my college time, several years after I graduated, when I was looking for my seat at the building where the department held its recruitment tests. We were fortunate enough to pass all the tests and we ended up working for the same institution.

At that moment, time was not on my side, romance-wise. I had parted with my (now ex) boyfriend and got in an unhealthy, destructive relationship with another guy afterward. Bona, on the other hand, was getting steady with his girlfriend (who also happened to be our mutual friend).

Anyways, we hung out together practically everywhere, especially since his girlfriend was living in Surabaya. We talked about our master's program materials, did our papers together, went clubbing and shopping, or sometimes we'd just take a break in each of our houses.

Like Bonny, Bona was my "garbage bin" and a family member. I cried out to him when I ditched my boyfriend (but somehow felt like I was dumped) and he would laugh at me, saying that the jerk wasn't worth it at all. With his wicked smile, he'd also whispered to me not to be a donkey that fell for the second time, when I told him that my ex called. He kept telling me to judge a potential guy by whether he loves football match, because "only real gentlemen like footballs." Of course, this latter advise has never been my consideration.

Oh yeah, and once he bought me a special edition of Hustler when he came back from an official tour to New York. A gift which caused me a nausea for frantically trying to hide it from my mom's perfect sight and annoying hobby of cleaning up my desk.

He also called me at 2 or 3 am (I had a private line in my room in Jakarta) only to ask: "Why are you sleeping?". I'd just snap at him, "Bon, get lost!" and went back to my sleep.

After he got married and his wife moved to Jakarta, naturally we started to go different ways. We still called each other, or talked over coffee in some cafes sometimes. But now after we're in different places (he is posted in New York), we are barely in communication.

Case 3: Kucink

His girlfriend blogs too, and I know that he might kill me if I put his name in this blog... but I don't give a damn, hehehe..

I knew him from Friendster. I sent him a message first, because his name managed to draw my attention. I love cats.

He quickly responded, and we found ourselves chatting through Friendster. It didn't take long before we exchanged Yahoo IDs and insulted each other using the medium, hehehe... We met up several times and it was apparent from the very first that we clicked. I still can't figure out, however, why our conversations mostly contend harsh things, naming names -- while we did try to be more civilized by bringing up topics like politics and social issues. Tsah! I am always comfortable talking to him about anything, including -- you guessed -- curhat!

There were times when it was his turn to pour out his heart, like when he had problems with his girlfriend and he needed a girl's perspective. My wise advise usually started with an insult before I proceeded to possible solutions. He gave me this cute farewell gift, a few mini stuffed kittens in a basket.

He is my current platonic guy, of course. We kick each other in Yahoo messengers, I still go to him for things I don't understand about men in general and find comfort in his companionship (though offline!) and silly jokes. At the same time, just like with the other great guys, I enjoy a pure friendship.

Conclusion

I was going to write them in aliases, not their real names, to protect their private lives hehehe... But people, especially those who know me in real life, may think that I made up the story. So I decided to put their real first names. I just hope, Girl, that this will open your eyes and bring you back to that old confidence of yours in platonism. Not platoonism :) *kriuk!*.