At lost

Normally I despise arrogance.

But these days I'm craving for the aloofness, audacity, hauteur.

Class.

And the elegant humility.

I'm watching it vanishing, in despair.

Last Christmas

Nope, this ain't about Wham's "tacky" (according to my gal pal Renata) Christmas song. But this year marks my last Christmas in this country, at least for this tenure.

And, yeah, another non white Christmas.

But Christmas is not time for self-pity. It's not time to whine.

Neither it is merely about gifts and parties (though I wouldn't mind them. Anyone inviting me?;))

It's about joy (not in materialistic term), and love, and the celebration of humanity. It's about giving thanks for the life granted to us. It's about giving back the Love that has created us.

As I mentioned earlier, Christmas is the time of giving. So maybe it's about time Santa's (hm, judging by the look, I suspect it's Zwaarte Piet posing as Santa Claus!) clients be the giver and do a favor for Santa -- spare him a dime, for instance ;).

Merry Christmas everyone! You may or may not celebrate it, but I wish you all - regardless your background - a joyous time!

I love her, I love her, I love her

Recently fell in love with this gal, Kristin Chenoweth. Very cute, smart, funny, with a voice that can launch a thousand ships :).



I've driven my niece crazy for singing this song constantly. It fits me really well, you know. Especially this part:

So many years my heart has waited
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?

Fellow coffee AND tea addicts (tea DOES contain caffein too, right?) will understand *winks*.

The Untrustworthy Wiki

Proof that Wiki shall not be regarded a reliable source: I was surprised to find a con journalist actually has a page in Indonesian Wikipedia.

I should not name him here, nor will I provide any link. But I am more than happy to spill a few things: he once worked for a Jakarta-based English newspaper, he has a press ID from a publisher that his family has a share (and it's well-known in Sumatera), he loves calling himself a "White House correspondent", and the last thing I heard about him is the outrageous news that he is marrying a television personae.

Needless to say, he already has a poor reputation among Indonesian journalists (at least, according to some people I know in the media industry). And the stubborn girl still wants to marry him? It must've been a psychological error caused by her abduction. I can only wish her the best of luck. Unless he undergoes a lobotomy, it's small chance that he's changed even a bit.

The Wiki page praises him to be the first Indonesian journalist to bla.. bla.. bla... (must not reveal more than that, sorry). I suspect he was the one who submitted the piece to Wiki. Or her, under his spelling. Ugh.

Jamie Lynn

It was a shocking news for her. All she could do was staring at the doctor - who didn't try to cover her pity but remained professional. She felt numb for a killing five minute silence.

Deep down, she knew she wasn't surprised. She had used that test pack, hadn't she? The doctor only confirmed her fear.

The doctor continued for a while, explaining possibilities before her. "In the end," she said with apparent sympathy in her voice, "it's your decision."

She completely understood it. She always had. That was pure accident. Or was it? Wasn't it recklessness?

But there was no use crying over spilled milk. She had to think. Think. It wouldn't take long for her mom to get a clue. Sooner or later, the press would find out. Time was not on her side.

It took her a couple of weeks to make the decision and go telling it to her mom. As she had predicted, she was furious about it.

"Why, Jamie Lynn? Why? How could you?"

She had cried on her pillow every night. She had wet her boyfriend's shirt. It felt like she wouldn't be able to produce more tears. But it broke her heart watching the lady who had given birth to her, raised her, and been totally devoted to her children's career, crumbled.

It was the last thing she would do on earth, disappointing her parents like this. They had had enough. With the big sister who is struggling with her alcoholism and mental problem. In public.

She had been portrayed by the media as the only sane person in the family. Her parents had always been unfairly judged by the brutish spectators, blamed for her sister's behavior.

It was never easy for her. She grew up in spotlight. Tried to make a living in the spotlight. Yes, she got the fame, but with an expensive price. Somehow, people are more demanding to those who they claim have better and glamorous life than the average.

At 16, she had decided to bear the consequences of her own action. Be a mother. Risk loosing things on her hand now: youth, career, reputation, and the future. How many people much older than her have the comparable amount of courage?

Jamie Lynn Spears is our own kid. She may live in a society that, on surface, seems more tolerant to one of the so-called deadly sins: lust. This shows that Americans are just as conservative. Many suggest that her show be canceled, because she is a now a bad role model. To a certain extent, Americans -- just like Indonesians -- prefer to close their eyes to the inconvenient truth. I personally have another idea: Let Zoey get pregnant, so teenagers will learn that young love isn't all about mishy-mushy, but also requires a heck lot of self-restraint.

Jamie Lynn is still quite lucky, though. Had she not been able to keep her showbiz career, she would most likely be able to continue her education. Her family and friends will still possibly support her. The society might label her a "failure", but not "slut".

If she were in Indonesia, she might be forced to get illegal abortion. If her school found out, she would be expelled with no hesitation. Her family would abandon her; her friends would be forbidden to be anywhere near her by their parents. In Indonesia, she'd better learn her mistake by being a hypocrite rather than being responsible.

Tentang Pilihan

Hir,

waktu saya baca tulisan Buyung tentang pilihan yang diambil temannya (oke, teman dari teman -- aduh, tidak praktis sekali ditulis di sini!), saya teringat kamu. Kalau si Petrus ini tidak merasa terbebani gengsi diploma Harvard-nya, juga tidak mengkalkulasi biaya yang sudah terbuang selama kuliah (biarpun barangkali dia dulu dapat beasiswa, tentu ada pengeluaran hidup kan? Dan siapa bilang tinggal di Massachusetts murah?), kamu meninggalkan promosi yang sudah di tangan dan menyepi di titik ketinggian 1.200 meter dari permukaan laut.

Tentunya saya kaget waktu kamu mengabarkan akan meninggalkan kota berdebu hiruk pikuk dan gemerlap, tempat kita sama-sama mencari penghasilan. Saya merasa kepergianmu mendadak, keputusanmu impulsif. Tapi belakangan saya sadar bahwa kamu dan tempat itu seperti perjodohan yang sudah ditetapkan di surga. Dari dulu kamu suka asyik sendiri di balik lembaran-lembaran National Geographics (kamu pasti senang ya, majalah ini sekarang sudah terbit dalam bahasa kita). Matamu berbinar-binar ketika berbicara mengenai salah satu sudut bumi, keajaiban alam, manusia. Dan kenapa juga saya harus heran -- bukankah kamu kerap mengajak saya menelusuri tempat yang dedaunannya masih lebat, yang bising bukan oleh bunyi klakson tetapi oleh deras air terjun. Saya selalu mengiyakan ajakanmu dengan antusias -- walau kemudian kita ternyata tidak pernah bepergian bersama ke sana.

Baru sekarang saya kira saya bisa memahami apa yang kamu rasakan, Hir. Rasa kerdil di tengah keluasan langit yang membebaskan. Mendengar suara ombak yang memecah karang dengan ganas -- tapi pada saat yang sama menyajikan kebiruan yang indah. Puncak-puncak gunung tempat bersemayamnya dewa-dewa purba. Kesenyapan yang mencekam namun dirindukan. Ke mana saja saya selama ini? Namun saya bersyukur, saya masih diberi kesempatan menikmatinya.

Saya tidak, belum, tidak (begitulah inkonsistensi saya!) seberani kamu, Hir, untuk meninggalkan yang saya punya saat ini dan mengejar impian yang bahkan belum saya impikan; baru sebatas gambar-gambar terpisah yang singgah sekejap dan pergi dari kepala saya. Apalagi mata saya melihat kecantikan yang kamu gambarkan itu justru karena kesempatan yang dimungkinkan oleh pekerjaan saya ini.

Saya ingat percakapan dengan seseorang bertahun-tahun lampau: tentang pilihan dan kesempatan. Baginya, tidak semua hal punya dua nuansa, pilihan tak selalu tersedia. Kala itu saya tak sepakat dengannya. Saya berkeras bahwa resiko adalah masalah pilihan juga.

Sekarang saya berpikir kalau-kalau dia tidak sepenuhnya salah dan saya tidak sepenuhnya benar. Pilihan kan bisa berbentuk buah simalakama, tanpa yang ketiga itu (dijual). Saya mungkin penganut mazhab realis, tapi cukup sadar bahwa hidup tidak selalu tentang zero sum game.

Ah, sudahlah Hir. Sebagaimana dulu, saya mengikuti saja jalan di depan saya. Saya lebih suka kejutan, walaupun tidak selalu mengharapkannya. Siapa tahu, satu ketika kita bisa sama-sama menjelajah Timbuktu yang bukan tempat Donal Bebek melancong, atau mengusap batu penegak Kuil Matahari. Bahkan mungkin kita beruntung bertemu dengan orang Tagaeri -- kalau garis mereka belum punah. Melihat cheetah berlari anggun dengan kaki-kakinya yang panjang dan luwes di savannah Namibia.

Lagi-lagi soal mimpi ya Hir? Untunglah dalam mimpi kita dapat menciptakan sendiri pilihan-pilihan kita. Hm, mungkin sekarang saya harus mulai dulu dari berani bermimpi.

Deep condolences

... to the family and friends of my co-workers, who were killed in an accident. May they rest in peace :(.

I'm turning into a fangirl. Can't wait to see this one!

Notes:

1) Not yet clear whether it will be the official poster of the movie. So far this is the best out of a few options (poster's pic is taken from here).

2) Very, very clever marketing work. Teasers, rumors, posts on IMDB boards (proof that I spend too much time there) and "leaks" in YouTube.

Cool things leave you cold feet

I'm actually talking about those so-called cool widgets many bloggers put in their blogs. Here's the actual case: After an ample amount of time spent on a nice blog, I just realized that I left a trace on it. That box on the right made a stark evidence of my visit, not only to the aforementioned blog, but also other blogs which I happened to read following the links:

- Washington, D.C. left via xxx
- Washington, D.C. left via yyy
- Washington, D.C. left via zzz

Shoot!

That was my second exposure to the horror fact that complete anonymousness (yes, it's the correct word, I've checked it!) doesn't exist anymore. The first time I encountered it, I was a bit shocked, but then I tried to ignore it. I think I'm supposed to get used to it by the second time -- apparently not, because I even feel more annoyed than ever.

Being totally helpless when it comes to the blogging technology - or perhaps IT in general - I never really cared what I should or should not install for my blog. I learned the very basic HTML only to get a layout that isn't too unpleasant for these eyes. I used to put a sitemeter but later on decided to take it out as I don't see the necessity. I do check my Google analytics very randomly (and very rarely, I must say), yet it's never a must. [Note: it can be fun, though, to find some dudes in an unknown place in Africa dropped by this blog].

Maybe that is why blogging and the blogosphere lately have been quite uncomfortable to me. It used to be really fun when you just write whatever you like there, hop in other people's blogs, make comments if you want to, or just write a brief greeting in the shoutbox to make people aware you're out there and at the same time convey your message that you ARE inviting them to your blog. And if you want to remain anonymous - or, for some cases, pseudonymous - be it. No drama, no fight over stupid things and micro-mini issues, everybody's happy. If some jerks leave you unfriendly comments (hence unacceptable!), you just laugh at it and continue what you're doing.

It's getting too serious. Now everyone seems eager to get the longest list of blogrolls (well, maybe this one isn't so new) and comments. Now there are abundant discussions on blogging ethics and self-censorship. Now there are tips to keep your blogging spirit high and encourage others to blog. Now YOU want to know who's visiting your blog. Geeze! It.Is.Too.Much. I start to feel like a fugitive. Or a turkey in Thanksgiving week. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

A Gorgeous Mom and the Little Angel

It's amazing how my sister retains her maternal glow after Abby was delivered. And isn't the little angel the cutest baby in the world? Oh oh.. can hardly wait until I hold her with my own hands!