Questions, questions

I'm the kind of person who gets disturbed by unanswered questions, unreasonable statements and/or situation (unless those related to spiritual thingies), and illogical explanations, or -- worse yet -- inexplicabilities! That applies to almost anything, from movie storylines to relationships, hehehe...

The above was my comment to Eda Nana's scribble about -- you guessed -- dealing with unanswered questions. It's amazing how similar we are when it comes to the nuisance, anger and sometimes (ok, many times) despair generated by the non-existence of rational, logical explanations. And, yes, I often find myself awake until dawn, my eyes locked on a certain page of a book for almost fifteen minutes; or in the dark lying on my bed -- with my thoughts wandering. Why? How? How could I/she/he/them? When? Was it...?

And before I realize it, the next morning has come and I have to induce myself with a cup or two of coffee to make a go for the day. I am fortunate enough to possess such physical strength which helps me through weeks of limited sleeps. Of course there was time when the pyschological suppression was getting on me so forcefully that it seemed like I had a flu or severe coughs forever (I'm glad it's over!). But mostly a brief-but-nice chat with God prevents me from further devastation or overwhelming impuissance.

As probably implied in my recent postings, lately I've been wondering whether I'm asking unnecessary questions and sweating the small stuffs. The thing is, I don't even know which stuff could be considered "small" and which ones are not. I'm happy to say that I am not fussing over some certain things anymore -- lots and constancy of prayers are my ultimate reliever AND mode of distraction from negative emotions. I have to admit that I still have unpleasant thoughts lingering my mind occasionally, but I don't let them bother me like I used to.

Experience has taught me that some questions will be left unanswered, curiousity kills and is sadly never fed, yet in time we will forget them and move on with our lives. No, of course I'm not talking about a suspense-thriller script, silly! I remember a long time ago, when my sister and I were merely teenagers, she got mad about something and refused to speak to everyone in the house, and locked herself in her room for several days. I still don't know what caused it. Back then (when things had returned to normal), I asked my sister, and she would remain silent and be all smiles. Now she couldn't even recall the incident, let alone her motive. But who cares, it's not important anymore.

Life enlightens me in a lot of ways. These days I learnt that patience and self-restraint -- including and particularly related to the unanswered questions -- can lead to yielding to whatever God is planning for you, and eventually you may gain peace and comfort.