It's not the substance, nor the wordings...

... it's whom you are going to tell.

Reading this gal's post, which was apparently inspired by another blog, I was reminded to the conversation that has been taking place between me and my folks since I arrived here.

Thanks to my baby niece for being super cute, I always gush about her in front of my parents, which - in return - will prompt them to say something like, "I know. Isn't it great to have a baby?"

Of course I know where this is heading to. I will reply, "You bet. And it's even greater that while I can play and have fun with her whenever I like, I can also always shout to her mom when she needs some cleaning up." Add the sweet but wicked grin.

"But you won't mind doing it at all for your own baby."

"Yeah. Yet I wouldn't know because I never have one."

"You see," with a deep inhale, "I'm really concerned that you're not with anybody."

The convo comes in various wrappings, but all in similar tune. Take another variation, "I'm so sad thinking that you'll be alone and lonely."

Being lonely is the last thing on my mind. I even feel like I can't have a decent amount of time for myself and with myself.

It IS the topic that never goes exhaustive, simply because both sides - my parents' and mine - can never agree on a certain thing: whether marriage should be put on top of my priority list.

Interesting to note that it is my FATHER who has been repetitive about it. Who ever said moms are the fussy ones? Anyway, my dad keeps trying to convince me that "Berdua Lebih Baik", along the lines of Acha Septriasa.

"I used to be like you," he'd say that. "I thought I was happy enough going solo. Now I can't ever imagine being without your mom."

"Because you are already married," I snapped back. "I've never been. I don't think I'll miss something that never exists to me."

"There you go again the wrong way. Trust me."

I have come to the point where I bluntly told him that marriage is not my top priority. I don't negate it, I don't discount the possibility -- I simply follow where life leads me. That means, if I am not interested in someone, I will not even TRY to like him. On the other hand, if a certain person is not interested in me, I will not bother to drop him a message. Tracy Chapman speaks for me: "But I'm too old to go chasing you around/Wasting my precious energy".

The thing is, his sad expression kills me.


Dodol Surodol said...

Ada nggak sih support group, semacem AA, buat ortu-ortu yang anaknya nggak memprioritaskan nikah? :P

"Halo, nama saya X dan anak saya nggak mau nikah."

Silverlines said...

Have you tried giving the idea of having a baby of your own, without a marriage?

It's technically do-able, there is a possibility that emotionally it might be better (come on, everything is 50:50 until you really try), less hassle, no wedding parties whatsoever needs to be arranged, and you can still have a baby to play with ...


Memento said...

LOL. i agree with Dodol there. Indonesia badly needs DPA (Demanding Parents Anonymous) :D

my typical response to my mum and annoying relatives who often ask me similar questions: 'yang penting hepi, mandiri dan gak penyakitan. iya gak?'

brecs said...

dah balik ke jakarta Len?

Dodol Surodol said...

Jangan "demanding" lah, Za, kesannya giman man gitu. Concerned Parents Anonymous aja piye?

Bijuk said...

Lol... love this post. I wonder what's wrong wif this nation of being obsessed over marriage. somehow, i think marriage is overrated

yang punya said...

Silverlines: Forget the idea. They might have mentioned getting grandchildren from my side, but when I said that it's possible I will NEVER conceive even if I'm married, they'll say that babies are not mandatory in a marriage. Get the irony? ;-)

Dodol and Memento: Fabulous! (whatever the group will be named). At least my parents will have new friends hehe...

Brecs: Udah! Dari April lalu :)

Bijuk: Can't agree more :)