Invasion to One's Personal Space

A few days ago I almost got robbed.

Well, at least that's how I perceived it: I almost got robbed.

It was 11.15 at night (almost midnight). I just parked my car and was about to turn the machine off, when somebody knocked on the car's window.

I lift up my eyes and there was an African American guy, wearing red t-shirt, making gestures with his hand which I interpreted as asking me to get the window down. As I thought that he wanted to ask something (which is not unusual, you know), I made this facial expression while saying, "What's up?".

You see, normally when somebody asks for a help or raises a question, to a stranger, he/she will wait patiently until the other person is fully ready to hear him/her, unless some dead-or-alive matter forces him/her to do otherwise. Right?

He, instead, shouted: "Open the door!"

Shocked, I replied: "No way, man!"

He shouted again, even more loudly: "OPEN THE DOOR!" and stared at me.

I got terrified and yelled my rejection, retreated the car (I had not turned off the machine, remember?) out of the lot and headed to other direction. I remember my thought at that time: what if he didn't move? Will I hit him? Luckily he stepped aside as my car moved. I couldn't get a space near my apartment building, so I went to my friend's (which is next to mine and shares the parking lot), rang him to ask him to accompany me parking. I was afraid that the guy was probably waiting for me to go back there.

I don't need to tell in details what happened next as I managed to return to my own apartment, safe and sound. But that horrifying experience has affected me in this particular way: I lost some part of my self-confidence, became more alert if not a bit paranoid.

It is interesting that when I reported the incident to the police and they asked whether this guy had made threats or pointed any weapon to me, all I could say was: No. Yet his gestures had made me think that he was going to rob me. As I thought about it again later, he could possibly be panicked about something and was actually crying for help. Or, of course, he had this wicked intention but didn't have the chance to go further.

Either one, I learned one thing: we get more and more sensitive about our personal space. We feel invaded quite easily these days. Sometimes, even a soft, innocent touch on our ankle could trigger an anger or fear. Living in cities like Jakarta for several years will surely construct your perception on things. DC is actually a lot more secure, though it was once labeled "the criminal capital" due to its high criminal rate, and in my one and half year of living here, I grew more and more confident of going places myself at unusual hours. But this experience has managed to take away that secure feeling from me. Well, it could be a blessing in disguise: I become more careful. I make sure that I lock the car before I start the machine. When I arrive home late (which is, like, everyday :p) and I can't get a place closest to my apartment, I'll try to find a spot somewhere else that is well illuminated and near Giant or CVS (both are within my apartment's complex).

An impact of the incident that bothers me is that I've started to develop a kind of racial prejudice. Yes, it was my very first annoying encounter with an African-American in which I was really targeted. Before, it was only like me witnessing these people screaming at and cursing each other. I have to admit that now I tend to be suspicious when an African-American guy approaches or is near me at nights when no other people are around. Saddening, isn't it? Despite the fact that I'm head over heels in love with Collin Powell, Denzel Washington and Will Smith.

I look forward to regaining my security, fully. And getting rid of unnecessary paranoia, without sacrificing my cautiousness. I want to be able to see other people the way they are - human, not member of a particular ethnic group with all its stereotypes.

I want my personal space back.