Why Americans are not soccer suckers

I never hesitate to reveal my less-enthusiastic side when it comes to sports, including the now much hype football/soccer matches thanks to the World Cup. I often say, "Yeah, the players are cute, but why would you watch 22 big, tall, good looking men fighting over one single ball? Just give each of them a ball to play with!". OK, this is my personal opinion and I will resent any possible advise that it represents women's general view on soccer. I know many girls who are crazy about the game and only have little time to check out the players, so please throw away such sexist perspective!

Now, back to the subject (if you don't know what the subject is, look up to the title, for God's sake!). Americans are famous for not being so fond of soccer matches. (Funny, this doesn't make me feel comfortable or at home, surrounded by fellow non- soccer fans). Some argue that this is partly due to the country's arrogance, leading to an almost rejection to anything not home-grown like basketball or American football. (Oh, I'm sure those narrow-minded pricks would love to absorb this idea and even extend it to other non-related matters like the Iranian's nuclear development issues.. geeze! Just sit back there and read on!). But it's hardly that. Just see below the hilarious piece I got from The Christian Science Monitor:

Backstory: Five good reasons Americans don't watch soccer
(Chuck Cohen)

1. We didn't invent it.

Americans love their inventions. Which is why we like baseball. And why we're not big on foie gras. Why we can't live a day without a microwave. And why we can, and have, lived for centuries without lederhosen. The problem with America and soccer is that we can't say we had anything to do with its genesis. Unlike, say, our pride in both Chicken McNuggets and Ryan Seacrest.

2. We have unattractive knees.

Although Americans have tried to hide them for years, we have, as a country, bad looking knees. As opposed to the Brazilians whose motto is, "Look At My Knees, Please!" Or the Germans who will use any excuse to bend their knees and shout something both incomprehensible and lengthy. Americans' ambivalence about their knees explains the attempt many years ago by US soccer coaches to make capri pants an official part of the uniform. This suggestion was met with hoots of derision from all soccer playing nations, except Italy, which thought it wasn't a terrible idea, but wanted to accompany the tight pants with a snappy bolero jacket.

3. We're not good with our feet.

America is much more a land of hands than feet. Although renowned for our hand gestures, we have been sadly lacking in people who know what to do with their feet, let alone their toes, ever since Fred Astaire stopped gliding around floors. (The toe puppet craze was extremely short-lived.) As a result, the growth of both soccer and ballroom dancing has suffered. Attempts to merge the two "sports" fizzled in the late '60s. The Fred Astaire Soccer League was a spectacular failure, drawing somewhere between two and three fans to its inaugural, and final, match. This despite the innovation of requiring both goalies to wear toe shoes and stay on pointe for 50 percent of the match.

4. We are not good at kvetching.

If you've ever watched an international soccer match you know that kvetching, aka complaining or oy yoy yoy-ing about being hurt, is as important to soccer greatness as being married to an attractive model. And yet, as much as American players writhe on the ground as if run over by a Panzer division, all our efforts produce only "are you kidding" headshakes from referees. The truth is our athletes are not very good actors. Ever see a Shaquille O'Neal commercial? Barry Bonds deny taking steroids? Not exactly Oscar-winning performances.

5. We don't understand the rules.

From an early age, we learn it is important to know the rules of the games we play. Why, for example, after you hit a baseball you should run to first base rather than the hot dog stand. Unfortunately, as hard as we try, we still haven't figured out the rules of soccer. What exactly is an offside? Why does the game continue after time has run out? And, most important, why isn't there a seventh-inning stretch?

Judging from the above passage, you should have mercy for these poor creatures. By the way, I'm not in the same league with them. I have better legs! Hehehehe...

ps. Picture is taken without permission from the Christian Science Monitor. Sorry, guys :(.


nananias said...

katanya lagi, soccer ngga terlalu diminati karena ada kaitan dengan kapitalisme. susah je pasang iklan. begono. kalo olah raga lain golnya banyak so beberapa kali kepotong iklan tiada mengapa. nah kalo sepak bola yang lazimnya minim gol, jangan-jangan pas dipotong iklan malah gol hihihi

katanya lho yaaa.. please don't kill the messenger! :D

http://www.liverpoolfc.tv/ said...

mana kaki-nya, manaaaaa, tunjukiiiiiinnn... :D

komentator said...

Lupa, baru inget, dulu pernah liat foto kaki mu di foto yang telentang di ranjang itu, yang konyol itu!!
....kekekekekek... :p

Boe said...

One more reason: Because the world loves it!! The Americans JUST have to be different... somehow...

budibadabadu said...

ah, alesan!!!

Sunny said said...

Lol, I find this article very amusing, yet very true, especially for the first reason. =))

dian mercury said...


england menemukan, brazil menyempurnakan. siyalnya kalah lawan perancis