I cry when I see your name

I hate it when people see the wound in my heart. I have to stay strong, appear as if nothing can ever hurt me and tear me apart. Because I don't want to be torn apart.

Of course there are times when I cannot stop tears from falling down my cheeks. Like when I see your name popping up on my computer monitor.

I miss you. A lot. My heart bled when you didn't reply to my messages, because I needed to talk to you, despite the thousand of miles separating us. Because your words always manage to warm me up. Because I ought to feel your presence that keeps me strong.

Because you have been, and will always be, a very dear friend to me. You've owned a special place in me.

Deep inside my heart, I know that you care for me. That your love endures, the philia love. That you wish you could be there for me. Therefore, I sometimes detest myself for not understanding it and for letting myself feel rejected, while it is totally not true.

Your name is right there, in front of me. Your window. I still can't decide whether I am going to call you and take the risk of once again feeling turned down because you don't answer me immediately. Or whether I shall just leave you there, no risks, but I will lose the chance to express how I long to chat with you.

Please stay with me, Brother. I need you.


Especially to my sister in Ciudad de Mexico. Don't be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve!