Kangen

Duh. Kangen sekali dengan perempuan satu itu.

Perempuan yang lahir satu setengah tahun setelah saya. (Bulan depan kamu jarig ya Sayang!). Perempuan semampai, lampai, berkulit terang, dengan mata besar dan daya tarik yang membuat para pria selalu meliriknya di manapun dia berada, bagaimanapun lusuhnya dia waktu itu.

Lima belas bulan yang lalu, dia mengantarkan saya ke pelabuhan udara. Kendati tahu kami akan berpisah lama, rasanya waktu itu tidak terpikir. Atau mungkin secara tidak sadar saya membuat benteng mental melawan kekosongan yang saya tahu akan segera mencekam batin saya. Saya ingat, sebelum memasuki pintu khusus penumpang, kami berpelukan lama. Lama. Barangkali saat itu menyentak dalam benak kami betapa akan jauhnya jarak yang membentang di antara kami. Betapa kami akan kehilangan saat-saat bersama.

Dia teman saya melepas kepenatan sepulang kerja masing-masing. Kepadanya saya menceritakan segala gulana saya, membagikan kebanggaan dan kegembiraan. Dengannya saya bertukar kisah mengenai kerumitan masalah keluarga besar kami, lengkap dengan berbagai rerasanan. Bersamanya saya tertawa: dia lucu!

Saya merasakan kesakitannya pada masa-masa berat yang dihadapinya dulu. Saya marah padanya karena perbedaan pandangan kami tentang soal itu. Saya mengaguminya karena ketabahan dan kekuatannya, sampai sekarang. Sampai sekarang.

Dan saya mencintainya. Sangat mencintainya. Dia perempuan hebat yang akan saya cintai sampai kapan pun.

Saya lihat foto kamu di situs pertemanan itu, Dik. Kamu tambah cantik, dan tambah kurus. Ah, saya tidak sadar, mata saya terasa panas berlama-lama melihatnya. Dan saya tahu, air mata saya sedang mengalir. Rasanya ingin saya terbang sekarang juga untuk menemuimu, menumpahkan kerinduan saya dalam rengkuhanmu yang hangat. Begitu banyak cerita yang ingin saya sampaikan kepadamu.

Cepatlah datang ke mari, Sayang. Atau tunggu saya di sana, jangan ke mana-mana dulu ya.

Subtle Abuse

An email to an awesome girl, who just dumped her so-called beau:

".... Being "single" after some time usually leaves you with an empty feeling (especially if the reason is because the relationship lacked something, not because he abused you! Oh, but.. ignoring us, hurting us over and over again by committing a series of unkept promises could be considered mental abuses, rite? hehehee...).

So hang on there, you have your own life, you have your friends who are no less than God's greatest gifts... what's not to be thankful for? Ain't life beautiful or what? And never should we spoil it with a jerk, who thinks that in a relationship everything should be on his own term -- and that we'd take it for granted!"

Emotional, eh? Could be! But don't you agree that by constantly hurting your other half's feelings, saying "sorry/forgive me/etc." but doing it over and over again, ignoring him/her thus denying them their rights to be happy with you, you are actually mentally abusing them? How about hanging out with your ex while completely forgetting to drop even a single message to your current partner for days, and even weeks? And you still expect him/her to take it lightly, being bubbly and wishing you a great time, not questioning the non-existence of explanations?
It is unlikely that a normal human being will ever do, unless he/she is :

• dumb or mentally disturbed
• a heartless android (hm, perhaps people should start considering putting Data or Vicky "The Small Wonder" in their "potential perfect spouse" list)
• an imaginary creature
• having an affair (the unfavorable option, of course).

The wound in one's heart often takes longer time to heal than in one's hand. This said, it should not be any wonder that he/she starts ignoring you back or simply refuse to have anything to do with you ever again. By treating them like that, you grant them the right to.

I was in love with you
And gave my heart to you
I did my best to keep you satisfied
You took the love from me
And used it selfishly
You did not give back your
Love to me at all

I gave the sun to you
You said it was too bright
I gave you diamond rings
You said they didn’t shine
I gave my world to you
But you said it’s not enough
What in the world could I have done
To make you be so rough

'Till you do me right
I don’t even want to talk to you
I don’t even want to hear you speak my name
'Till you do me right
Only wrong is gonna come to you
Nothin’ good is gonna come 'till you change
Change your ways
Until you change your evil ways

Girl, I was there for you
Someone you could talk to
How could you just keep breakin’ my heart
What did I do to you
To make you be so cruel
I don’t understand why you’ve been so wrong

I tried to be your strength
You said I was too strong
I tried to compromise so
We could get along
I gave my love to you despite
Your evil ways
I guess it’s clear to me there’s only
One thing left to say

There’s a time when you know what you
Feel inside your heart
It’s tellin’ you that somethin’ feels strange
You don’t have to deny it
All you gotta do is just try it
You’ll find our love grows
Stronger if you’re willing to change

(Till You Do Me Right, After 7 - click here if you want to hear it)

And the Oscar goes to...

Finally, my favorite nominee won. "Crash". Despite all the buzz about "Brokeback Mountain", the fact is the most prestigious title the highly acclaimed and controversial flick could grab is for best direction -- kudos to Ang Lee. And how I like it when the winning movie isn't the one favored by most Hollywood residents, hehehe...

I'm a bit disappointed, though, that the Oscar for best leading actress went to Reese Witherspoon. Don't get me wrong, I love Reese: her talent, southern warmth, one-of-a-kind beauty, and her capability to keep the balance between her fame and family (seemingly). But both June Cash and Elle Wood (and perhaps her other roles, I don't know, I haven't seen most of them) have Reese's personal elements -- either in the way they talk, laugh, or even shake their heads. To me, Reese seems to transmit her soul to her work's subjects rather than ingesting them, being them. Felicity Huffman, on the other hand, was completely absorbed by her role. The inner emotion of the personality she plays in "Transamerica" is all over there in her gesture, her silent expression, her low voice.

All in all, again Oscar this year shows that no matter progressive the American society is, and how different Hollywood values are to the those of the rest of the mortals, some issues still can't be dealt comfortably -- and they include homosexuality and transsexuality. Now, now, could we say that we are a bit, er, more advanced that "Arisan" was claimed the best picture in FFI last year? (Or was it two years ago?)